Paul (and Sam) and I just arrived at our conference (transformingculture.org). At first I was pressing down against all of these thoughts and feelings that feel so arrogant. Passing judgement and critiquing. I didn't want to be in that mindset, the place of power and authority over my surroundings.
When we finally settled into the sanctuary for "worship," I had a sudden shift in how it all felt, to a space I haven't spent much time in. I felt betrayed. I felt betrayed by this conference, betrayed by the church in general. Like I have been promised one thing and then given a switched out product of not only inferior quality, but of dangerously negligent materials. I felt betrayed by...
The sterile, false architecture of the megachurch's sanctuary that mis-characterizes both humans and God.
The white men in suits... the overabundance of white men in general.
The red tape and the unthoughtful unkindness of registration's physical layout.
The straight rows of chairs.
The polished audio and video.
The monologues.
The truth is that this will likely be a good conference. There are good people and good intentions here. And I don't want to be cynical and jaded for the next two days, or for the rest of my life for that matter. But it feels noteworthy that behind what initially felt like superiority and judgment was the feeling that I have been betrayed, but something bigger and more powerful than me. And that's a feeling that I haven't been able to name with the church very often.
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